emotionally unavailable

if i learn to fake it well

will you promise not to tell?

im lighting candles every night

to reverse this evil spell

red wax and red blood

mixing on the edge of the table

la chuparrosa has forgotten me

my heart too heavy for her wings

i didnt see this coming

i guess because im crazy

im lighting candles every night

thinking it will mend me

when really i just wish the flames

would rise up and engulf me

la chuparrosa gives me salt

and from my heart takes honey

to bring me love is just a burden

she knows ill always be lonely

come out of the cracks
juxtaposed like flowers
in busy sidewalks
was i always stepping on you before?
or did you not decide to bloom til now?
tulips dont bloom in conditions like this
but you know ill take what i can get

i miss you

almost as much as i love you.

the amount of miles

i have driven dozens of times

to your arms and back,

all of them combined,

well it still doesn’t match

how far my arms would have to stretch

to show someone how much i love you.

if you saw us on that old couch,

as packed together as pigment in paint

youd never be able to tell

that even though we were waking up before the sun 

it was the best sleep ive had in a while

because his arms wrapped around my body

like the blanket on a newborn

and i felt love like it was the first time.

well id still tell you it was the best sleep ive had in a while.

We’re now syllables.

Each memory I plan out,

In five-seven-five.

when the car hit me

i was angry, only cus

it didnt kill me

even though they cant hear me,

i yell at people from the drivers seat;

every careless pedestrian and slow driver.

i will never see them again!

so my mouth is loud like an old engine

(my carbon foot-in-mouth print is devastating).

maybe it’s that i cant control traffic

or how people swerve in front of me

the lack of control is unnerving

so i guess that’s why 

when i stopped at the light

i couldnt stop yelling

because through the window of the store next to me

i saw you 

maybe its that i cant control how you felt

but, ill never see you again.

The continued alienation

of those who found a place

has made war inside a culture

i thought was safe

the preachers are corrupt

with their skewed views of respect

damning every new-comer

with the wrong intents

im not a martyr for the music

but id die for the belief

that this world is not a prison

and neither are we

I remember trying to take a picture of turtles

but they hid from lights under a rock

it doesnt take looking at old photos

to know the details I havent forgot

I  was hoping the otters would hold hands

and I hoped the jaguar would show

but it doesnt look like I even cared

from what these pictures know

And I swear I loved you like the penguins pair

a love as vibrant as the tropical birds

and as I thumb through photos from the zoo

my hands begin to hurt.

out of every art form

why couldnt i be the painter

or the guitarist

anything but this

i hate what ive perfected

the art of getting my hopes up

have you ever calculated every word said?

every gesture and expression

picking apart the meaning in your head

and damnit if they don’t show signs of life

within 24 hours i’m the one who dies

its not the fall from the top that kills me

just the embarrassment from my idiocy